if only he knew

2/24/09

The other day my dad told me I needed to start being nicer to boys.

How ironic.

If only he knew...

If only he knew how, every time I shake hands with a boy,

I wonder whether or not he's talking to me because he likes my "perfect ass" 

or my pretty blue eyes.

I know it's only a matter of time until he grabs my "perfect ass"

or gets in his mind that my pretty blue eyes want nothing other than to

fuck.

him.

(because who wouldn't want to fuck him, anyways).

and surely my smiling at him and wearing shirt a little too tight gives him every right.

surely me being passed out on HIS couch

gives him

every.

right.

because i smiled at him, right?

because i took the drink from him, right?

if only he knew.

if only he knew how i want to make myself throw up when i think about any boy I

have been nice to. 

if only he knew how tired i am of being nice.