why did i love him?
i often wonder.
was it the way he made me feel?
certainly, it could not be.
i wasn't myself.
i wasn't happy.
wasn't skinny enough.
wasn't pretty enough.
wasn't enough.
i'm never enough. i never feel like i'm enough.
so i often wonder what love is supposed to feel like.
agonizing pain?
a hollow, useless sentiment?
or a temporary body to fill me for the moment.
i spin in
circles.
twirl around.
maybe if i spin enough, I think.
maybe i will spin myself into understanding.
so i spin and stumble.
twirl and
tumble.
I only find myself more mixed up than I was before.
I have nowhere to go.
nothing left i can do.
so on i spin.
love is a harsh thing.
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when did you get so good at this?
ReplyDeletei like this.
i want you to polish it.