why can't i use my voice?

Yesterday, on my way to class,

I took the bus.

Because of overcrowding(and fear of panic)

I regretted my decision, all in a rush.

Situations like that make me feel out of body,

out of control.

My body grew sweaty immediately.

People around, unfamiliar faces, all staring.

Someone pulled the lever, a stop signaling.

It was my building, my stop.

I whispered a meek, excuse me.

But no one heard my plea.

So as not to be rude, (as I was always taught)

I did not raise my voice

I did not raise my voice like

 that time when you went inside of me.

I had no choice.

I thought it was the polite thing to do. 

again I cried out, in what I thought was more than a hush,

Excuse me, please.

Get out (of my way) please.

But my voice seemed to go unheard.

I elbowed my way, forcefully through the crowds.

I barely made my way out, when driver yelled out after me,

"Next time speak up!"

It made me wonder

why is it i don't know how to use my voice?